bettina without borders

My big news this week is that we’ve decided not to sell the house, which eliminates some of the stress.  Joe, my man friend, and Aaron will continue to live here, which they prefer doing versus a move as well.  I like knowing that when I come back to visit I’ll be sleeping in the home the kids and I have known for more than a decade.  The only reason I wanted to sell is because I didn’t want to worry about it financially, but we’re good.  If I sell now I barely break even, so I build more equity and everyone is happy with where they’re living.   The house is now crossed off of my to-do list (easy enough).  Plus, I get to swim and nap in my pool until the day I leave!  And, hike MY mountains … all very comforting.  Another plus, I can fantasize about doing these things again when I’m homesick.

I’m also continuing to get to know the folk I’ll move over there with.  A big surprise is there’s a another teacher who not only lives 5 minutes away from me, but she also works for the same district.  We met after work earlier this week, and we’re both so excited.  We’re getting together during spring break, so I’m sure a fun friendship is just a brewing away.  I feel so lucky that I’m able to begin friendships here before making the big move.

Facebook is a great lifeline as well.  There’s all sorts of file and experience sharing going on.  It’s scary when you read some of the bad stuff that could happen, but I think it’s also vital to read it.  I’d rather be prepared for the worst than surprised by it.  Of course, like everyone else, I’m hoping that mine won’t be a bad story.  That said I’m still really excited about it all (and love reading the posts about the good things too).  I’ll make whatever comes my way work, and I’ll cherish every ounce of good I get.  I type this knowing that the folk who got the short end of the stick also thought this.

I think when you sign up for something so foreign, you have to ask yourself some tough questions first.  A big one is can I survive if it doesn’t work out?  If I get sent back my first 6 months (like every other job I’ve had the first 6 months are probationary) will I be devastated? Do I have a plan B?

In my case the answer is yes.  I don’t think I’d do this if I’d be totally screwed if I got booted.  I think another tough question is can I fulfill my contract even if I totally hate what I’m doing?  My honest answer is I think I can.  I’ve never just quit without notice, even when I couldn’t stand the people I was working for.  I take my contracts seriously, but I’ve also not been in an overseas situation yet either.  I feel badly for those who felt they had to leave without officially quitting, and I feel badly for those who have to pick up the extra load they left behind.

I’m going off on one of my tangents, but I think my reasoning is that you have to be fully prepared, and you have to go into this knowing that your decisions will affect more than just you.  I know we all know this, but we have to make sure we’re not just caught up in the wonderful aspects of taking this job.  All adventures include risk.  It’s how you prepare for it that makes the difference, or so has been my experience so far in life.  I hesitate sharing this because I don’t want to offend or sound like I’m assuming others didn’t do their homework.

This is all just my little pea-brain’s way of preparing for my new life — because it’s not just a new job I’m taking; it’s a new everything.

I’ve signed and returned my contract (after looking it over several times to make sure there were no misplaced comas or decimals in those numbers), and I’ve submitted my official resignation letter.  It was much harder than I thought it would be.  I’ve been with my district for 10 years, my current school for five.  While, I’ve had many a vent session with teacherly friends about the things I didn’t like, overall it has been a wonderful experience.  Seriously, I’m typing this from the bottom of my heart. I am so incredibly grateful for all I’ve been able to experience.  I could bore you with the list of super-cool things I got to do because of where I work, but I”ll be good and just say thank you to each and every soul who opened doors for me that I didn’t even know existed — and wow am I ever a better person and teacher because of it.  So, yes, my heart pitter pattered a bit when I sent that good-bye letter.  I’m leaving a good thing.

Of course I’m also incredibly excited about where I’m going.  I’ll stay in touch with the friends I’ve made along the way — all wonderful people who will continue to teach and support me (and I, hopefully, them) wherever in the world I plop my pillow.  If you’re reading this blog, I totally expect you to come visit!  There’s always room at my place for you, and I’ll make a great tour guide.

I’ve been making new friends too.  I’ve joined several Facebook groups where I’m meeting people like me (in this first stage) and those who are already there and working.  I can tell I will not be alone, and I have a lot of adventures to look forward to — and those much-needed vent sessions.

Because my students have a lot on their plate right now (thanks to my — and, well, state/IB expectations — cooking it up) I’m back into full swing with them.  Whew!  I was worried they lost me, but I’m back to focusing on them.  I have a few more weeks of major work, and then after that it’s all (for me) fun stuff and getting things ready for next year.  Whoever gets my job will be in good shape.  I’m leaving him/her everything, including copies of my lessons, contacts, and a how-to cheat sheet.

So, right now I’m calm about the big change, and I’m here typing because I don’t really want to finish painting my bathroom — the house is getting all spruced up, so that I can put her on the market.  I guess I better get as in charge of my personal things as I am the job front…

The interview was a pleasant experience, although I could’ve done without all the nerves.  This is the most nervous I have ever been before a job interview.  The people from ADEC were great.  Someone in our little Facebook group described them as interviewers with grace.  They were welcoming and upfront.  During the interview they were extremely nice, but on point with ensuring we answered their questions.  It was obvious they were looking for the right people for their students not just bodies to fill vacancies.  I left feeling good about what they do while also knowing it’s going to be a wild ride.  They told us the horror stories are all true as are the great ones.  So, I know what I’m in for while at the same time not having a clue.

But yeah I got the job.  The email says I’m on the list of recommended hires and that the official offer emails will go out in a few weeks after the council has approved it all.  So, there’s always the chance I don’t get stamped by the council…

Kaylene and I had a wonderful time in Santa Monica.  It was the perfect mini mother/daughter trip.  We also met up with three of the other interviewees and had a fantastic time.  I liked them all, and I’m hoping they get their approval emails soon as well.  We could all be good friends.  There were two other people I met that I liked as well.  I hope to see them in Abu Dhabi.

The biggest shocker right now is that I am in shock.  It’s still sinking in that come August (or September) I’m moving to Abu Dhabi.  And on that note I need to get on with my day.  Wow.  I’m totally falling out of my little box here…

Oh and for my friends who are just learning about this blog because I’ve, well, not talked about it.  I’m going to teach English at an all-girls high school in the UAE.  Holy hell I’m going to be an expat teacher!

I got my authenticated documents back a week or two ago and was impressed by the letter, official ribbon and seals, but I didn’t really look at it.  Today, I’m scanning my documents for the big interview.  My paperwork has a letter verifying it’s all legit, and it’s signed and sealed by Secretary of State John F Kerry.  I knew it had to go to our state department, but I didn’t know the head honcho would be the one required to sign.  How crazy is that?  I’m like CIA official now…

Oy! The best part about February is learning that whew! I’m getting a tax refund and somewhere in the middle is a day off thanks to dead presidents.  It’s normally such a crazy time at work with IB film assessments and drop-dead publishing deadlines, and, you know, all the crazy stuff that goes with work and life.  Just to add even more to the mix we had a shooting at one of our basketball games (luckily no one was hurt, but still it puts the oh shit into your day).  We’re on high alert.  Fear and frustration is draining us. 

My youngest, a high school senior, is suffering senioritis, and not too happy with me putting him on blast on Facebook —- telling all that he cannot see them any time soon.  And how dare we take the truck keys away from him and threaten to do the same with his phone?  And then there’s my other son, but let’s keep my blood pressure down and go back to writing about the without borders thing.

So yeah there’s this job interview next week.  We finally learned the location, which happens to be in a hotel that costs $400 a night (on sale!).  I found one less than a mile away that is much cheaper.  Kaylene, my daughter, and I will be a block away from the Santa Monica Pier and beach.  We’re right across the street from all the shops and restaurants, so I totally plan on enjoying this little trip.

It’s a really bad time for me to get away from work, but it’s also a really good time because I’m ready to kill someone.  As for the interview and Abu Dhabi and all of it I’m as prepared as I’m going to be. I’ve read through what I think the curriculum is, planned what I think I’d do there, answered the questions I think they’ll ask.  I’m now obsessing over what to wear, which is just crazy.  It’s a job interview.  I go in, present my way of doing things, ask and answer a few questions, and deal with whatever happens.  I’m either getting it or not.  

I have a great life here (even with all the damned stress), so no big deal if I don’t get to go overseas next year.  Yeah, I know, I don’t believe that sentence either.  My mind is set on doing this overseas thing.  It’s now or never because, eventually, my children will start having their children and I’ll want to be here for that (oh how they better not procreate just yet).  To keep the wheels moving I’ve also applied for a teaching job in Kazakhstan.  I have my heart set on Abu Dhabi now, but we had an exchange student from Kazakhstan stay with us for a week, and he was a a lot of fun.  It’d be a pretty cool —- literally with their winters —- place to experience as well.  

So, I’m rambling on just to say that I’m really looking forward to next week.  I’m not expecting to know whether or not I have the job yet, but I am totally planning on having some fun with my daughter —- and learning more about the job at the interview.  This trip will be my little sanity break that might just lead to a whole new level of insanity.

We shall see what I post about it next weekend!

I stumble out of my car this morning, hoist my too-heavy laptop bag over my shoulder and almost have a heart attack.

“Congratulations!” yell two of my favorite co-workers, whom I rarely get to interact with.  “We’re so excited for you.”

It’s dark, it’s early, it’s Monday.  Maybe they’re happy I made it in.

Turns out my principal mentioned in an IB planning meeting that I probably won’t be here next year because he thinks I’ll get the job.  It was brought up because my position will need to be filled, and they’ll have to find someone who can run our weekly news program, yearbook, IB film and you know the whole teaching thing.  The good news for me is the job can’t be posted until I actually resign.

“But, I haven’t gotten the job yet.”

“You will!”

Okay, so I guess the question I should ask then is who wouldn’t hire me?  I’m fabulous (except for when I’m not, and I totally have my NOT days — especially now that my mind keeps wandering).

Anyway, I’m honored the principal is rooting for me, but wow if I don’t get this job everyone will know I flubbed this interview.  Oh well. I’ll cross that bridge if I come to it, and, well, I guess I could use it as a teachable moment with my kids (show them how I move on from a failed attempt — um, while wheeping uncontrollably).

Now, all I need are my letters and authenticated papers.  I’m a little stressed over all of this.  Good news is I’m also swamped at work, so the kids will keep me busy until my little trip to L.A.

and just for the record … I am still enjoying living now (whew!).  I had a blast at the Color Run this weekend, and I’ve read there’s one in Abu Dhabi too.

The east coast is freezing again while we’re loving our 80-degree days.  I’m in limbo with the interview prep — waiting for my authenticated papers to come back, waiting for my principal and district letters, waiting to find out where I’m interviewing.  Yesterday, I called ProEx in D.C. to make sure they got my cashier’s check and documents.  They did, and they’ve already gotten my papers stamped at the state department.  Next up is the UAE embassy, and then my paperwork will make its way back to me in Phoenix.

It’s surreal knowing that while I’m still turning on the a/c in my car, my credentials are being stamped by folk who spent their morning cussing out Mother Nature for icing their windshields.  It’s weird having my stuff stamped at all.  That master’s diploma I sent has, until just a few days ago, spent its days turning yellow in a box (thank God I still have it!).  Now, it’s notarized.

I’m having a hard time focusing at work.  Let me rephrase that:  I’m having a hard time focusing ON work.  Kids want to goof off on the Internet; I want to browse blogs and Facebook pages.  They have no idea that I totally get their pain when I tell them to get back to work.

We’re finishing up the yearbook, and pretty soon it’ll be time to start planning for what we’re doing next year.  Thing is I might not be here next year.  I soooo want to stop class and say, “hey kids, guess where I’m going?”  But, I can’t because I just might not be going anywhere.

I also really need to live more in my now, and stop this daydreaming nonsense.  I’m constantly torn between what I need to be doing to make today work well, and what I’d like to be doing for my tomorrow.  I cannot believe taking this step has become such a big deal in my life.  I also applied for a journalism position at a community college, which would also be a great opportunity, but am I checking my emails/voicemail to see if they’ve contacted me yet?  Nope.  It’s all about Abu Dhabi, which is crazy because just a few months ago it’s the college job I would’ve obsessed over (although I doubt as much).

I’m typing this up at the end of a busy day because I thought I’d figure a way to re-balance myself, but now I think it’s just to share my insanity.  When you make the decision to do something as major as this it totally takes over.  You are constantly hot and cold on your decision — one minute it’s all about the fun (work and play) stuff you’ll be doing, the next it’s oh-my-god this is going to be so flipping hard (and then the “is there danger in this?”).  One minute you’re bragging to friends, the next you’re defending your decision because not everyone gets the whole wanting to go to the Middle East thing.

Apparently, I am since I’m soooo bipolar on everything right now.  If I do decide to publish this post (because I just needed to have this conversation with myself because right now there’s no one else to talk to about it — solidifying the whole why yes I AM crazy thing) it’ll be to let others know that once you click submit on that international application, it’s not just some thing you did on a whim.  It’s some major life-changing shit.  Sure, you may never get the job, but that isn’t going to stop you from inhaling everything — and I mean everything — there is about that job and that country. It’s also not going to stop you from seeing your own world through different eyes.  As my kids used to say (it’s old slang now) this shit’s cray, cray.

Ew, a Facebook alert from one of the abu dhabi groups just popped up — time to go see what other applicants are typing!

The big interview is 1 p.m. February 13th.  Now, the real fun begins.  Tomorrow I let my principal know I’m interviewing.  It’s not a big deal, but I still feel guilty.  You see I launched the journalism/film program, and I’m getting ready to move into a brand new building with my new multi-media lab.  I actually have a pretty sweet job.  Seriously, I teach electives all day long, and I get paid extra for it since I’m in charge of yearbook and our student news program.  I’m good at this, and I’m trusted/respected (well at least I think I am).  It’s all good, yet tomorrow I go public with my Abu Dhabi obsession.  It shouldn’t be a big surprise since I’ve always been open about wanting to teach overseas after my youngest graduates (this May).  

But anyway, insert happy dance.  Interview is on the calendar!  Now, the mad paper race begins.

Holy Hell I’m obsessed.  So, it’s the end of the day, and I have no students.  I was working on the ton of stuff I need to work on, but my mind kept wandering — go check your email maybe the interview dates are in, check the google community maybe someone said something, go stalk another blog, oh what the hell go google Abu Dhabi news.

What is wrong with me?  This is ridiculous.  IF I get the job it’s NINE months away. Just the other day i was reading my gazillionth blog on living/teaching there and I broke out in a sweat.  It was a doozy of an adventure gone way wrong.  The poor woman, who seemed flexible, kind, open minded, and all the things you need to be, didn’t last her first quarter there.  This could turn out to be a really bad trip — sober!

And, yet, here I am still wanting to do this thing.  It’s not just me though.  The google community and facebook groups I’ve joined update frequently with ‘I made it to the next step” posts.  We’re a bunch of salivating freaks who apparently love to be tormented with waiting and the unkown.

You see some of the folk who were hired for January still haven’t even gotten their departure tickets yet.  Sooooo, I’m going to be doing this waiting, stare at my inbox thing for a long, long time, unless, of course, I blow the interview and find out fairly quickly that this little escapade has run its course.

I guess it’s good to be going through this what-if obsession.  I am soooooo totally bipolar with it.  One minute I’m fantasizing about having a bright-white apartment all to myself, the next I’m like what am I going to do without my mother/daughter wine sessions or family movie nights?  One minute I’m teaching editing techniques (like I should be), the next my little brain is cooking up ELL projects.  One minute I’m revving my car into 6th gear (good God I love that car), the next I’m like holy shit I’m pretty sure I’ll be hugging the right lane over there.

Anyway, you get the point of my ramble.  I have Abu Dhabittis.  A desert city far, far, far away is interupting my desert city living here.  And now I have to get back to my Phoenix world and attend a training session on some software I will,hopefully, not have to use next year.