Hot/Cold … today/tomorrow
The east coast is freezing again while we’re loving our 80-degree days. I’m in limbo with the interview prep — waiting for my authenticated papers to come back, waiting for my principal and district letters, waiting to find out where I’m interviewing. Yesterday, I called ProEx in D.C. to make sure they got my cashier’s check and documents. They did, and they’ve already gotten my papers stamped at the state department. Next up is the UAE embassy, and then my paperwork will make its way back to me in Phoenix.
It’s surreal knowing that while I’m still turning on the a/c in my car, my credentials are being stamped by folk who spent their morning cussing out Mother Nature for icing their windshields. It’s weird having my stuff stamped at all. That master’s diploma I sent has, until just a few days ago, spent its days turning yellow in a box (thank God I still have it!). Now, it’s notarized.
I’m having a hard time focusing at work. Let me rephrase that: I’m having a hard time focusing ON work. Kids want to goof off on the Internet; I want to browse blogs and Facebook pages. They have no idea that I totally get their pain when I tell them to get back to work.
We’re finishing up the yearbook, and pretty soon it’ll be time to start planning for what we’re doing next year. Thing is I might not be here next year. I soooo want to stop class and say, “hey kids, guess where I’m going?” But, I can’t because I just might not be going anywhere.
I also really need to live more in my now, and stop this daydreaming nonsense. I’m constantly torn between what I need to be doing to make today work well, and what I’d like to be doing for my tomorrow. I cannot believe taking this step has become such a big deal in my life. I also applied for a journalism position at a community college, which would also be a great opportunity, but am I checking my emails/voicemail to see if they’ve contacted me yet? Nope. It’s all about Abu Dhabi, which is crazy because just a few months ago it’s the college job I would’ve obsessed over (although I doubt as much).
I’m typing this up at the end of a busy day because I thought I’d figure a way to re-balance myself, but now I think it’s just to share my insanity. When you make the decision to do something as major as this it totally takes over. You are constantly hot and cold on your decision — one minute it’s all about the fun (work and play) stuff you’ll be doing, the next it’s oh-my-god this is going to be so flipping hard (and then the “is there danger in this?”). One minute you’re bragging to friends, the next you’re defending your decision because not everyone gets the whole wanting to go to the Middle East thing.
Apparently, I am since I’m soooo bipolar on everything right now. If I do decide to publish this post (because I just needed to have this conversation with myself because right now there’s no one else to talk to about it — solidifying the whole why yes I AM crazy thing) it’ll be to let others know that once you click submit on that international application, it’s not just some thing you did on a whim. It’s some major life-changing shit. Sure, you may never get the job, but that isn’t going to stop you from inhaling everything — and I mean everything — there is about that job and that country. It’s also not going to stop you from seeing your own world through different eyes. As my kids used to say (it’s old slang now) this shit’s cray, cray.
Ew, a Facebook alert from one of the abu dhabi groups just popped up — time to go see what other applicants are typing!