The thing about inspections, evaluations, all that formal stuff that drives teachers insane is that, for the most part, I don’t think they do much in the way of improving what we do —- and they certainly don’t gauge learning in its proper perspective (although the threat of it does motivate us to do the stuff we hate, which sometimes works —- so there’s your plus).  I literally blew two weekends and countless nights researching, writing resources, over preparing and basically killing myself over being ready for the big outsider evaluation this week.  My school has been freaking out over this for the past three weeks —- to the point where my lesson plans were actually read by an administrator.  I’m new, which is why this happened, and I’m actually (now) glad she did because she gave me valuable feedback, which helped me get a better grip on what I’m supposed to do.

However, to put it mildly, I have been stressed the fuck out —- to the point of imploding.  And, then, I got evaluated in my worst class, later in the day —- anyone who teaches here knows late in the day is pretty much a curse.  Heck anyone who teaches anywhere in the world knows the later classes are the hardest  (student and teacher brains are mush by then)—- everyone except evaluators who think perfection is where it’s at 24/7.  It was also during my second lesson with these girls —- the first one didn’t go so well, so I decided we were going to go at it again because they needed to get this.

The class before mine ended late, so I was behind schedule when the inspector walked in.  But, you see something magical happened.  The kids shut up and worked —- because an evaluator was in there —- and somewhere along their faking it they discovered that holy shit they’re learning something.  I got so into our little learning groove that I forgot all about the white British lady hovering over my kids and writing everything down.  Um, I may have even blown her off in the end when she turned to say something to me, and I cut her off with a “thank you for coming in today” and then went back to my closing thoughts with the kids.  Now, I’m pretty sure I didn’t earn high marks —- or whatever it is they call the whole evaluation thing —- but I left happy.

I had that class first and last periods today, and I just knew they’d be bouncing off the walls.  They were a little, but they settled down quicker than they ever did before —- and this time it was just us.  I got the morning lesson going, and it flowed smoothly.  Then I broke a major rule.  I let the rest of the class work on their own —- knowing most of them would goof off —- while I sat with my worst table.  The lowest girl, who never, ever does anything actually spoke to me in English during the starter, so I figured it was now or never to hook that child.  I sat and listened to every one of these girls read a paragraph out loud, which is really difficult for them since they don’t understand most of what I say or give them.  I coached at first, but then I stopped and the other girls pitched in to help whomever was struggling —- that’s a big ole Eureka! in teacher land.  Here’s the kicker they were crazy loud when I walked in 9th period, BUT it only took me three times to repeat  “my hand is up” and their little butts were in their chairs ready to go, and we had an even better lesson.  I shit you not I almost cried.

Now, by evaluation standards I probably sucked.  And, my classes in between didn’t go all that great (the kids are just done with the stress of outsiders inspecting their campus and all the rules that go with it), BUT I flipping reached the unreachables and for THAT I am grateful.

I’m sure it’ll all go crazy again next week, but the whole point of my posting today is that I may still suck, but I’m happy because I actually did some real teacherly things this week.   I am such a nut job that THIS is what gives me joy.  I have two more days of inspection hell to survive, and I don’t give a flying assessment what the inspectors have to say because we may not be any where near our targets, but my girls are learning.  So pooh on them and their clipboards.  Okay maybe I’m being a little harsh — maybe the whole inspection thing did help me, but shhhh I need to be mad at them for all the stress that drove me over the edge to a place not so dire after all.

On the ride to work, during a traffic jam, I saw this little girl hanging out the back window.  This isn’t the first time I’ve seen something like this.  Kids jump around the back seat, front seat, hell they’ll even sit on the lap of whomever is driving.  Twenty minutes later we finally got to the reason for the traffic — a school bus and van collided in a roundabout.  Luckily, the children who were on the bus were safe on the sidewalk.  But, there was an ambulance there, and the two vehicles looked pretty banged up.  It’s no surprise since people drive crazy here.  They do the stupidest shit, and you’re like dude are you suicidal?

Those of you back home might be wondering why children aren’t locked into their seats, or why there is no seatbelt law.  Well, there is a seatbelt law.  There are speed cameras, speed bumps, same traffic laws we have, but there are drivers from all over the world.  Some of which are used to driving in far crazier traffic scenarios.  And then there are the drivers from here who still ram their SUVs into Roundabouts without even slowing down.  Of course there are also the terrified newbies who stop at Roundabouts when they need to hit it, slowing down (possibly pissing off) people like me who’ve moved one phase past that — although I’m still no way near as aggressive as I should be.

Not every local drives this way, nor does every foreigner.  There are lots of cautious folk who try to not cause an accident, and whew for that!  The rental guy came to pick up my car so that it can get serviced, and he was totally shocked I had no dings yet.  So THANK YOU to the non-crazy drivers out there!  Seriously,  from the bottom of my heart.

I believe what I call craziness connects to the Inshallah mindset.  You see people here truly believe in God’s will.  If it’s meant to happen it’s going to happen.  If not, well there’s nothing you can do about it.  As a westerner I’m like but why tempt fate?  Perhaps God is a maybe on this, so if you’re more careful he’ll side with you continuing to live (and not taking anyone else out with you).  But, you see I also do not fully believe in God’s will.  I was raised on the notion of choice, so I will never quite see these things the same way.  But, I am trying. If I look at things through the god-willing point of view I understand (a little) what scares or frustrates me. I deal with it better than if I look at it through my point of view —- of course I am choosing to do this, so I guess my way is also still working.

I didn’t mean to write so much about the driving (again) because the point of my ramble actually connects to something far more scarier:  ISIS.  Yep, it’s been all over the news, and people back home ask me about it.  I always say, but it’s totally safe where I am.  And, well other than the driving, it totally feels that way. I genuinely like the people I meet over here — from all walks of life.  We pretty much love and want the same things (well on a deeper level/ surface wise we’re different), and we’re totally good with that.  I don’t fear the people who live here, nor do they fear me.

But, this ISIS thing, isn’t about them.  It’s about a group they’ve also taken a stand against.  They’ve remained neutral on so much of what my part of the world is in conflict with countries in their part of the world, but this time they’ve sent some of their own men and women to fight against this form of terrorism.  Now, they too could become a target, so the State Department has sent out several warnings for Westerners to be careful.  There’s also the obvious, just like at home, not everyone who lives here is happy, so there’s that.

I don’t know what to say to people back home about the politics of this, or what my odds are, or any of that.  What I do know is I am still — despite some hurdles I’ve tripped over — so pleased to have been invited to come here.  While temporary, this is my home now, and I love being a part of it.  When I do return to my country and my family I will miss what I have here (while also being so flipping happy to be back amongst my loved ones). I cannot worry about what I cannot control, but I am being careful.  I am so sorry this thing exists, and I am afraid of it, but I can’t let it overshadow the good I have found here.  Soooooo, I guess in one very long ramble I’ve come to the conclusion that I’ve managed to blend my love of choice with Inshallah.  If only our worlds could blend so easily. Ha, and as if on cue the call to prayer just started.  I may not be Muslim, but it warms my heart every time I hear it.

my new pet.  I really have to name her though. I know it’s been a while. There’s so much I’d like to share with you, but I’m exhausted. The job is tough considering all the new I’m adjusting to. I pretty much have to change everything I know to make it work. I’m not complaining. I’m just sharing that it’s really, really hard doing this while also adjusting to living in a whole new world. I do still love my students (even on their bad days, and they have them), and I know that I will, eventually, settle into some sense of normal.

For now though I’m busy adjusting. I had a few low days these past two weeks — missing everything about home, especially since I now realize how easy it is since I know everything there. BUT, I’ve also had some great days.  I don’t regret coming here at all — although there are moments when I just want to scream.  Take for instance my cable drama.  I’m still tapping into my neighbor’s wifi (allegedly with a capital A they’re coming on Wednesday.  Um, allegedly they were supposed to come on Saturday then Tuesday, and I’m still waiting, so we shall see).  Anyone thinking about doing this really needs to prepare themselves to be tested on everything imaginable (and some you wouldn’t even think about it).  The stress the first few weeks (probably months) is unreal.  This is a wonderful country, but it is way different from what you know.  My version of logic and their’s are polar opposites.  I’m in their world now, so gotta do it their way.  I knew this coming here, but knowing it and doing it are two completely different things.

That said there are so many unexpected wonderful moments too, and I am learning so much good.  I saw my first camel crossing the other day — hahahaha you’d think I saw a leprechaun I was so happy.  The old man who sweeps my carpool buddy’s parking lot always greets me with a warm smile.  I miss him on his off days.  The other English teachers I work with are all amazing and interesting women.  I love listening and talking to them.  Sometimes I get to sit at a table with my students and just talk to them.  I love learning who they are.  Many times a complete stranger will make the day by either taking an interest in me or openly sharing a bit of themselves.

I went to Abu Dhabi last weekend to visit with friends and do some shopping at a Souq (Arabian market).  A completely covered older lady sat at a jewelry maker’s stall with her grown son and daughter.  I was lugging this 3-foot wooden camel I bought (my new pet, who I think I’ll name Sheika, but I’m up for suggestions), and the lady said nice while pointing to my camel, who wasn’t too pleased with me carrying her by the neck.  We stopped to talk to this family who turned out to be from Saudi Arabia.  The lady didn’t speak much English, but her children translated.  She was as interested and delighted to meet us as we were her.  While I love the stuff I bought and the fun I had with my friends, that 10-minute chat was the highlight of my trip.  As an American when I think of a fully-covered Saudi Arabian woman, I don’t think happy or friendly.  Well duh on me for that!  Hello?  But, you see I’m learning — even things I didn’t know I needed to learn.

There’s also the expat community, which I’m so glad to be a part of.  I’m making wonderful friends.  I’m lucky that some live in the same building as me, so woo hoo on that! I got off early today because Eid is on Saturday, and we have Sunday and Monday off, so woo hoo to that too!  Although, on to a negative, the schedule changed.  Originally we had Tuesday off too (calendars are not to be taken seriously), but I’m looking at the extra work day as a day for me to catch up.  The students say they won’t be coming in at all next week, so FINALLY I can get some better lessons together.  whew! Anyway, back to the good stuff.  Tomorrow I’m going to Dubai for a few days, and I cannot wait.  Beach, shopping and good food and bevies with friends.  Soooo, the only adjusting I’ll be doing this weekend is having fun, and maybe popping a few advils in the mornings. I’m tired — had fun at my neighbor’s last night — so I’ll stop writing for now and post some pics that show off some of the good.

Desert sunsets and camels — can you ever get too much of this?   Turkish lights.  I bought 2 . need I say more  Shisha and friends dancing in the desert more sun photos because it’s something I will never get bored of. And that’s it for now.  I’ll be sure to write more about Dubai and post pics.