All hail Princess Bettina and Princess Shannan because we got to spend the night in a suite that included 24 hour butler service and, well, lights and a/c that he had to show us how to use because after a few margaritas the iPad switch thingy was just too much for our royal brains to comprehend. [side note:  the butler doesn’t actually stay in room with us — just in case you were wondering]

BUT, the trip didn’t start off royally.  Long story short: que the Beverly Hillbilly music because dumbass me got my spiffy lil rental stuck in a sandpit.  Shannan and I got all dusty and sweaty trying to get it out.  We found cardboard and branches to shove under tires.  We revved engine in reverse and forward.  We kicked the tires.  We prayed.  What we got was a hole leading to China until our heroes — a pick up full of men — stopped to pull us out.

 sadly this photo doesn’t show that there were like 4 or 5 of them helping out.  It does, however, show the three-stooges scene where the seat-belt cable thingy broke free of my car (it worked the second pull though)

I danced my version of a humdullah, shukran happy happy joy joy dance — possibly making these poor souls second guess their decision to stop.  But, they politely nodded their version of a “welcome miss” and piled back into their truck to go their way while we went ours — straight to Emirates Palace, baby.

Of course when we pulled up to valet parking our now-filthy hyundai accent got an inferiority complex because let’s face it he’s small and has absolutely no power. You know the Rolls Royces and Lamborghinis totally effed with it once the lights went out.

We walked to registration only to be stopped and greeted by a lovely lady who took our documents.  We were like oh shit she knows we don’t belong here.  We’re getting kicked out.  But, instead, she returned with a bouquet of roses, scented towels (probably so we could wipe the sweat tracks off our faces) and the offer of tea or juice.  We were asked to sit while they checked us in.  I’m going to show my low-class colors here, but I have never ever had a check in where they came to me instead of me waiting in line for them.  After all the processing was done we were introduced to our butler, a tall Norwegian (I think) whose back was so straight I’m sure it hurt.

While our nordic butler was all polished and dignified, we were not.  As soon as he opened the double doors (using a faux gold coin, our key!) we were Omgodding and giggling like school girls, with the occasional “oh shit did you see this?!”  As soon as that man left we were jumping on the king size bed and calling out to our new neighbor the sheik (seriously his palace was to the right, or so we were told by our butler — hahahaha love typing “our butler”).

there are a lot of domes to look over before seeing the real palace in the background.  The zoomed in shot was taken while we were at the beach.  Hey there neighbors!

The room was so large our bathroom had its own chandelier.  I wish I took photos of the metal sinks or the rain shower, which was so tall it really looked like you were getting rained on.

just a  lil peak of our suite (and that’s the chandelier in our living room).  That t.v. you see in the corner is massive — a 50 something inch one for sure.

We just sat in our room awhile taking it all in while sipping fresh mango juice and nibbling on our bowl of fruit.  Later on we were treated to Patchi chocolates (for those of you not in the UAE these are expensive chocolates that seem to be at every wedding and special celebration.  I’m so spoiled now, 5 minutes into an event I’m like “okay where’s the Patchi?”).

Eventually we tore ourselves from the room to check out the east-end pool and beach, which is the adult only section (although I did see kids there).  The west-end pool and beach includes a lazy river, an assortment of game tables, water slides and enough kid pool toys to cater to a whole village.  Don’t want to walk, no problem Miss.  There are golf carts waiting to take you, or you can nab one of the resort bicycles and peddle to the other side.

 Okay, so this shot is from the west side, but she has gold flakes in her cosmo!

 best part (other than the in-pool bar of course) of east-side:  hammocks IN the pool.  What a genius idea!

After living it up in the pool, we met up with Suzanne for her birthday dinner at a restaurant where for a certain time period it’s all you can eat off the menu and all you can drink margaritas.  Sadly, we had to leave the hotel for this, but that’s okay because our royal coffers probably couldn’t afford dinner at the palace.

And here are a few shots of the hotel — just to rub in the luxury a bit more

 Princess me twirling in the lobby.

 Princess Shannan welcoming whomever wants to join us.

 a peak of our hotel from its east-side beach don’t know what this is, but it’s gold and looks cool.

And last but not least, before going to bed we took advantage of the humungo bathtub/jacuzzi, which could’ve passed for a small pool.

 the floor was still wet the next morning.  We may have overdone it a bit with the bubbles.

Day 2 we spent lounging in the lazy river.  Needless to say we did NOT want to leave, but alas our jobs and real lives expected us back.  To my UAE buddies:  take advantage of this sale.  When will you ever get to be this spoiled again?  It’s the closest most of us will ever be to the millionaire lifestyle.  OH, and it includes a lovely breakfast the next morning.  I kind of wanna go again next weekend, but, um, I only have like 200 dirhams in my account (but shhhh don’t tell my butler).

I also wrote about this for TeachUAE (sans the bubble bath shots and cuss words):  Teach UAE link.

Next time around I’ll try to remember to tell you about graduation and our last days at school.  Oh wait it’ll also be Ramadan, so I’ll be sure to tell you all about that.