we scare me…

We’re pretty sure one of those murder hornets flew into our living room last night. It was big and loud with a stinger that weighed it down, so it flew with its weapon dragging. It was slow and bulky, but it still scared the bejesus out of us — even Badger backed the eff up and decided to scootch his ass to the way back of the room, lol looking at Joe like “go get him boy.” Luckily it was at the top of our window area behind our sheer curtains, so we (aka Joe) were able to move it down to the open part of the window and swoosh it out. It’s someone else’s nightmare now.

Literary me considers that my sign, my symbol, my metaphor, my whatever you want to call it for where we are today. Threats are real, and they have the potential to sting us all. But, they can also be pushed away (I guess we could have killed it, but we have this thing against killing bugs, UNLESS they’re mosquitoes, ants, cockroaches or fruit flies, then it’s game on — and yeah I recognize the flaw in our logic). That said murder hornets are real in a world where bees are dying.

I read headlines from several news organizations daily. I do this for balance and to help me understand what’s fueling mankind’s divide. Many times I have to tell inner me to shut the eff up when blatant bias attacks my point of view (I don’t get so angry when it belittles the other side: human nature). I remind myself that I have to see all sides to understand the big picture, but why must there still be more than one side when it comes to race? We are all mankind, and there’s plenty of insanity for us to kill each other over, why in the hell are we still destroying us over the color of our blossoms? Why are we imposing our fear and anger toward a particular type of person? Personification was not created for this.

Yesterday, news outlets around the world reported on the protests taking place. Many focused on the riots and looting, some focused on the cause, some posted about those creating mayhem simply because they want the mayhem and couldn’t give two shits about the cause (well probably because, in part, they are the cause), some focused on the good that can happen when sides come together and protest a common enemy (bigotry is the bastard that harms us all), and then there were those who lived to fuel the political divide.

I’ve lost the story, but one outlet’s lead story yesterday was headlined something like this: Big-city dems allow riots during pandemic.

What in the fuckity fuck? Thousands are banning together — during a pandemic — because they are beyond being pissed and betrayed. They’re either naive about the virus, or they’ve decided the risk was worth being heard, or a combo of both. This has absolutely nothing to do with your political leanings. You are certainly not a racist if you are Republican, but you could be a racist and a Republican (or Democrat for that matter). No one ‘allowed’ the protests to happen; that, for better or worse, is an American freedom. Just ask the folk who protested lockdown and having to wear masks to protect others.

Police brutality is real. Does that mean all or most police officers are racist pigs who don’t give a shit about what their badge is supposed to represent? Of course not. In my heart of hearts, I believe the opposite. I believe the angry idiots who lose their shit are the minority (and I do not like associating that word with any race — it means the least amount). By admitting we have a problem, is that saying that violent black criminals have the right to maim and terrorize because of their black card (whatever the fuck that is — as if being black actually gave you more advantages)? Of course not. Angry, violent people are angry, violent people who need to be dealt with. And, sadly, it appears we deal with angry, violent people differently based on ethnicity. Sure we could say it’s just more visible because of cameras, and yes they too can portray bias, but whatever the reason: we’ve got a lot of pissed off people who don’t mind harming others. Some feel they are allowed to get away with it simply because of the color of their foliage.

And that is where we are today: angry, violent people. Mostly though we’re just rightfully angry. Most of us are not violent. We prefer to avoid harming ourselves or others. We don’t want all of this hatred. We really don’t, but we are afraid. And we should be, our species is as evil as it is good.

Our story includes the hate, the inequality, the greed of mankind. It is part of who we are — let’s acknowledge that without making up excuses and figure out how to grow past it, so that we can work on our other mutual threats (let’s not forget that Mother Nature is also rightfully disappointed and angry with all of us). Our story also includes amazing moments of love, acceptance and the fight for humanity — let’s embrace that because it’s the only reason we are real and still exist.

I don’t know where I’m going with all of this except that I’m reflecting and sharing because, well, I don’t know why. Do my words matter in the overall scope of things? Probably not, but I guess I hope that we’re all going beyond the superficial statements that bring us back to finger pointing and blame, which brings us back to fear and anger, which brings us back to fighting each other. I say this while knowing full and well that people’s fatigue and anger over being disenfranchised are also very, very real and rightfully so (please don’t rebut with but ‘they’ don’t have the right to ruin property…. I don’t condone violence against anyone in any shape or form, so I’m not saying that’s okay; I’m saying people are allowed to be angry; we’ve treated each other badly for too long of a time). Typing this is my conversation with myself while also including others because I guess that’s how we move forward. Okay, so I know it’s more than that. It’s being heard and understood, which requires work from all of us.

I’m finally beginning to understand the ending of Fahrenheit 451 where Montag realizes that an eternity of time staring into a mirror is as important as remembering our words. Knowledge without reflection and growth is worthless. What have we learned throughout our history? What will we do with it?

Meanwhile that murder hornet we pushed back outside is still lurking about out there with his weapon dragging.


Posted on June 1, 2020, in Belgium Year three. Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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