It’s 1 a.m., and I cannot sleep.  My son is still up watching T.V., and the damned thing is irritating the hell out of me.  That’s not the reason I can’t sleep. I am freaking the hell out because about this time next week a group of teachers are flying to Abu Dhabi.  While I am very happy for them, I am not yet one of those teachers.

A group is flying out July 30th while the rest of us drool like mad dogs waiting for the magical email from Nirvana (of all names) travel agency. We were warned that there is no rhyme or reason as to who gets selected to fly when, and that we will fly out in several groups (sadly some of us won’t get there until September/October).  I read the blogs.  I prepared myself for the worst, and now I’m not even close to the worst (hello? it’s only July!) and I’m having a hard time.

There is plenty of time before school starts.  There is still plenty of time before July 30th. I might still find myself going then, which is also part of the problem.  That’s in a few days.  My new life could begin just like that.

Am I ready?  Have I said all my goodbyes?  Gotten all my ducks in a row?

I applied for this job 8 months ago, and now it feels like all of a sudden it’s here.  Except it’s not, but it might be any minute.

The not knowing the when, where, etc. is the most nerve-wracking part about this whole experience.  I feel sorry for my family because from their perspective it must seem like I want to hurry up and leave them, which is so not the case.  I just want to know when I’m leaving.  I guess what it boils down to is that I worry that for me this trip will not happen.  I know that’s crazy talk, but there you have it.  Even crazier is I have a good life here, so it’s not a bad thing if I don’t go.  But, insert toddler temper tantrum here, I really want to do this.