Finding light in the dark and fog…
I wish I had some fun and exciting news to post, but it’s all pretty much the same in my corner of the world. Yes, we’re still in lockdown. Yes, I’m still working face to face. Yes, it’s still dark and cold (with sadly so little snow when I could really use more of its magic right now). And no to knowing when any of it will change. There are the rumors, the flickers of hope and then there are the headlines, which are also muddled with rumors and hope or despair (depending on the day). So, yeah, we’re all just getting by the best we can.
I’m guessing that I’ll hear about when I’m scheduled to get my first virus shot soon (I think we have a meeting on it this upcoming Friday). It sounds like maybe within the next few weeks or so. At this point I’ve decided that I must be a mutant by now since I’m still healthy. Or am I? Who knows these days?
For my own sanity I’ve decided to begin avoiding social media feeds. I’m tired of seeing posts of folks not on lockdown, traveling or reveling freely (and I don’t begrudge them at all. I’d be doing it too if I could!). I just don’t understand why some of us are on lockdown and others are not when the virus is among us all. I’m tired of seeing my teacher friend posts. I’m not tired of them nor their complaints/concerns. I’m just done with the constant jerking back and forth and inconsistency of it all. Basically, I am done with the politics of plaguing. I don’t know why some of us are teaching all day long while others are virtual. I don’t know which is better. I don’t know why in many cases those who are virtual are able to get the vaccine before those of us who are not working virtually. I don’t know if any of that even matters. Oh there are memos after memos telling us what a great job we are doing and that folks are doing their best to get us what we need — and I do believe that there are many, many folks doing just that. But, you see, in a Covid world it doesn’t matter what your intent might be because for whatever reason there are other layers upon layers of bullshit that get in the way.
There’s also the whirlwind of blended living now. In education we’re using more online programs to work with our face to face (and, to be honest, lots of good stuff is happening from that, but it’s also LOTS of stuff and our own circuit boards are overloading). In our real worlds it’s zoom this or Google Meet that, make an appointment here and maybe I’ll meet you there. I don’t know about you guys, but I am frazzled as fuck (sorry no PG-rated way to say it). And, I’m tired of video meetings. I’m tired of covering my face whenever I meet someone or apologizing for having my icon represent my face because my laptop is in a docking station and I’m too busy to pull it out. I’m tired of jumping through all the hoops to find myself on pause because the people (or technology) on the other end are glitching. Or, more accurately, because I tripped over one of the hoops and didn’t get to connect in the first place. Hell, I can’t even manage to book a vacation house for my children and me this summer. I’ve booked two, but one canceled so it could be rebooked at a higher rate and the other didn’t meet some deadline, or whatever. I have literally booked houses around the world, and now because of Covid the rules of the booking game have changed. As is very typical in my current state of living, I don’t know why.
BUT, there is also good. As much as I bitch about being frazzled, I have picked up some new teacherly tricks. My students have also picked up some new skills. We ARE adapting. We ARE finding happy connections at a time when mingling is muzzled. My time with my own children this summer (Covid will not stop me from flying home again) will be more priceless (lol who knew it was possible to make something even more priceless?). Changes for the better are happening (at least that is what I tell myself), so of course there is hope and there will be progress.
We will get through this. BUT, the fog truly does suck, and sadly we cannot blame Mother Nature for it — the worst of it is all of our own doing. And it is us and I, not them and you. I just wish I knew how I could turn this mess into a collective we, so that we’d get our act straight and solve without all those damned layers. And yeah that is a wish that will not be fulfilled in any of our lifetimes, but a girl can dream.
So, onto some bright bits to end on a positive note. We did get snow two weeks ago. It didn’t last long, but it was beautiful.
And I have been enjoying so much home time by reading and reflecting more — always a good thing. And, there have been good times with friends and family (at a distance). Joe and I have made some yummy meals and watched lots of good television and movies — lol and some not so good, but entertaining nonetheless. And because of social media I have been able to see my grandson turn into the terror he is via lots of video. So, all is still very well in my world. I am loved, I am fed, I am safe, and I am still so very grateful to be alive.
And so is our old dog Badger. A plus to this crazy is that I am spending so much time with him during his final days, although at this rate he might just outlive me.
Happy Sunday my Lovelies, and I cannot wait until I can hug and laugh and cry and sip with you all!